Shadow Creatures
by Karl's Ghost
Summary: Severus Snape reflects on his relationship with Remus Lupin--their similarities and the circumstances that drove them together. Slash.


Severus Snape and Remus Lupin. We don't exactly seem to be kindred spirits, do we? In fact, all our friends would believe that we could not be more different. Remus Lupin, that kind, sensitive sou-l-how could one possibly compare him to morbid, cruel Severus Snape. And yet we are more similar than anyone would care to see. Our upbringings with fathers who hate and mothers who were unavailable (mine because she died in childbirth, his because after the bite, she feared her son beyond all else) shaped the men we were to become. We came to Hogwarts as boys who would do anything to get approbation and love. We also came as outcasts of a society, hated and feared for what we were: He, a Dark creature, I, a creature of the Dark.  
  
  
  
I met Remus Lupin on our first day of school. A memorable day--one that was to shape so many lives…and deaths. On the Hogwarts Express, we both formed an attachment that would last a lifetime: he with Sirius Black, I with Lucius Malfoy. The two golden boys of our future Houses. Indeed, I often wonder if our love, our unaltering devotion was what determined our Houses. Sirius Black, despite the repuation of his family, was clearly destined for Gryffindor. His straightforward, blustering, reckless bravery could belong in no other House. Lucius Malfoy, two years my senior, was already linked heart and soul to Slytherin. Remus and I were both clever enough to belong to Ravenclaw, both spineless enough to belong to Hufflepuff. However, the hours-long trip on the train was long enough for our love-starved, attention-craving hearts to wed our souls to our respective idols.  
  
  
  
We fell, hard and fast, for two boys who could not have been more different--or more similar. Both were gorgous, with a heart-stopping, obvious attractiveness that went beyond handsome. Yet their beauty was completely opposite. Sirius was tall, with wide shoulders and huge muscles, and his black hair fell in waves across his forehead in an obvious, "come stroke me" message. Lucius' beauty was more subtle. His sleek blond hair and slim build could almost be considered feminine. His delicate features and proud posture stated that he was not to be approached. Black's grin proclaimed that he was ready to be anybody's friend, Lucius' more restrained countenance signaled that his friendship had to be won. Both Sirius and Lucius were fiercely loyal to their ideals and their friends. Both let nothing stop them from getting what they wanted. Yet Lucius was cunning where Black was forthright, sly where Black was direct. Lucius charmed people with his manners, Black beguiled them with his mischievous pranks.   
  
  
  
Of course, Remus and I felt only a puppydog crush in the beginning. We had both been abused and ignored in childhood and would probably have fallen for the first human who smiled at us. We were both insecure and eager to please. We just had the misfortune to experience the force of Lucius and Black's charisma when our defenses were down. The sight of them decided our destinies--and the destinies of so many others. It is a strange thought that had he or I chosen a different compartment in the train, this whole war might have turned out differently, might never even have come to pass. The thought condemns me as does the Mark on my arm. Remus and I have both sold our souls. Countless times in childhood and then later, we overcame our scruples when our loves called for us.   
  
  
  
For despite the fact that our attachments began as crushes, they grew as we did...and with love, our despair. By his fifth year, Lucius had pledged himself to Voldemort and I knew no one else would ever command his heart. Sirius Black, on the other hand, gave his heart to no one, but his body to everyone--of the other sex, that is. He was the most notorious profligate in our year. Besides, even if our loves had been possible, neither Remus nor I had the daring to take our chances and declare our love. We were content just be our loves' best friend. Well, not content.   
  
  
  
We found out about our mutual condition in third year. I went to the Room of Requirement to relieve my throbbing erection (brought on by the sight of Lucius in a swimming suit) and found Remus there sobbing his heart out. Finding ourselves in such vulnerable positions, we talked instead of hexing each other as we would normally have done. (At least, as I would normally have done, Remus is notoriously soft-hearted). In the interlude that followed, his sobbing was not taken care of, but my erection was.  
  
  
  
After that we both knew we could use the other for a shoulder to cry on--or a body to relieve other tensions. To call us lovers would be ridiculous, even profane, but our relationship was a close one. Even when I found out he was a werewolf, even when we fought on opposite sides of the war (for of course, there, as in other situations, we followed our loves' leads) our mutual need and unrequited passion drew us together.   
  
  
  
We both knew the rules of the game. Always be there for the other-unless your love asks for you. Never resent the other's commitment to their true love. During sex, we scrupulously call the other's name out loud when we peak-all the while screaming another name with our heart. And so we live, denied the light, hopeless beings feeding off the shadow of a passion. 


End file.
